Borderline Personality Disorder PSA
On BPDs (borderline personality disorder)
6 Jan There have been a number of excellent articles written here about girls who suffer from personality disorders (like BPD). The general consensus seems to be “run like hell” and while I agree wholeheartedly with this advice, in actuality, most guys will fail to heed the warnings of more experienced men. The dangerous, diabolical hook with Borderlines, is they initially come across as genuine, and completely without pretense, guile or disguise. If a gal has BPD Waif features, she may explain that she thinks you should 'wait' until you marry, which can have you believing you've found a virtuous girl, and respecting her. 20 Apr The trope lambasts women for having emotions, existing mostly to invalidate feelings and to over-exaggerate the reaction women have for not accepting being ghosted, played, or treated poorly. When it comes to Borderline Personality Disorder, the trope is a prime example of the ways in which women.
By Shari Schreiber, M. The following material was written for people trying to recover from a relationship that's had toxic consequences for them, and is not intended as a support resourse for Borderlines or anyone with BPD traits. If you suspect that you have these traits, please leave this website and redirect your attention to Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder web contentwhich might feel more congruent with your personal views and needs.
You've never felt this excruciating pain before, and you need it to stop. Perhaps she's left you for another--or just abruptly left, and this terrible lack of closure has you confounded.
You're constantly replaying each moment of this relationship in your mind, to comprehend why she's suddenly gone--and you keep blaming yourself. It's Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder to make sense of these awful feelings, because there could have been times you thought of leaving --but you've patiently hung on, hoping it would get better.
Your emotional roller-coaster ride has finally ended, but all you can think about is having her back. During frequent breakups or periods of distancing, you may have desperately longed for her return, and resorted to elaborate means to re-engage her.
In the wake of this involvement, you're probably obsessing about what she's feeling or doing, who she's screwing--and wondering if she's thinking at all about you. Your emotionally treacherous dance with a borderline girlfriend or wife may be over--but if your feelings of regret, shame and emptiness are so unbearable, that you want her back at any costthis was written for You. A man I've known for years once said, "I don't care if somebody manipulates me, as long as I'm having a good time.
Decades later, this guy craves but avoids romantic involvement, because all the women he's ever attached to, have been Borderlines! Sadly, h is only frame of reference consistently yielded painful outcomes associated with loving.
Message Relationship Long Monthsary For Distance wisdom has informed him, this prize is no longer worth the price he'd pay for another go at it.
Alas, even aging has its rewards. A Borderline will often line up her next romance while she's still involved with You. Don't expect her to admit to this, as she never will.
It's tough on you to think you can so Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder be replaced, because you're paralyzed and in agony, but the Borderline's middle name is Rebound. Certain aspects or common denominators are present in males who attach to Borderlines. Foundational problems of this kind leave men vulnerable to being seduced and manipulated by these women. You may be extremely accomplished and successful--but the Borderline will methodically learn what's underneath those props, and use your most intimate secrets and self-doubts against you.
These involvements derail your trust in women, but also in yourself--which is unfortunately, the worst part of this deal. Every man's ego takes a jab when a woman leaves--but a Borderline leaves you feeling guilty, ashamed, castrated, unlovable, emasculated, worthless, etc. You start believing that if she returns, you'll be able to get rid of these horrible sensations, and feel okay again. Once in awhile, your rational mind recalls the torment of that affair, and you're not certain you want that part of it again--but anything must be better than what you're feeling right now!
This conflict between what you need and want, confuses and intensifies your struggle, because you're hopelessly trapped in yearning for a woman you've sensed isn't healthy for you! Your ambivalence is completely normal--but it adds to your feelings of shame about feeling out of control and a little 'crazy. Heaven knows, And Verbal Abuse In not perfect --but you've overlooked an awful lot, just to keep this woman caring enough to stick around.
There have been times that taking care of her feelings and needs was a full time job--but you've gladly taken it on, and tirelessly kept trying to get a few crumbs of loving attention along Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder way. If you disappointed or let her down in any manner, the character assaults and twisted perceptions of you as an inconsiderate or "selfish" man, made you feel just terrible about yourself.
These comments usually came on the heels of the good times, so you began to believe them, which made you try even harder Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder please her!
There's always a childhood template that sets up our attraction to someone personality disordered. You'll keep wanting to blame yourself for your relationship faltering, but this is directly tied to experiences in childhood, which left you with self-esteem wounds. A young child can't make sense of why he isn't getting enough love, affection or support from a this web page, and he doesn't even know how to ask for it!
He'll try to find reasons for this lack of attention in his head --but the only rationale he can come up with is, it must be his fault; "I must not be good enough, smart enough, cute enough, lovable," etc. You've carried these self-worth injuries into your adult relationships, and now they're alive again. This damage must be repaired, or you'll continue being attracted to Borderlines.
The dangerous, diabolical hook with Borderlines, is they initially come across as genuine, and completely without pretense, guile or disguise. This helps you drop your guard, and makes it easy to trust that their statements to you are real--and they're authentic, integrous individuals. The ease you have felt with them is so natural and wholesome, it seems you've waited for this your whole life!
These early behaviors are central to their Seduction Plan; as soon as they sense that you're captivated, you're captured --and these episodes of delicious intimacy become fewer and farther between. You will never know where you stand with a Borderline, because they're not capable of discerning this for themselves--well, not beyond a few moments or hours at a time, anyway.
One minute you're the center of their universe--but before you know it, you're dirt under their feet. You'll continually wrestle with this discrepancy, 'cause you're trying to make sense of it! It's nonsensicaluntil you start to accept that this is typical BPD behavior. As you move along through this literature, I expose the myths surrounding Borderlines.
These myths are anecdotal, to center you and assist you in surmounting this awful struggle.
A borderline disordered female may lure you with explicit sexual imagery, or how much she loves or misses you when you're apart--but never deliver once you're together.
Long-distance relationships that are initially cultivated and maintained over the Internet are very common in this regard, and leave men at a loss, as to why those enticing promises aren't fulfilled. If a gal has BPD Waif featuresshe may explain that she thinks you should 'wait' until you marry, which can have you believing you've found a virtuous girl, and respecting her wishes--but what's happened to that sexy vamp who seduced you in the first place??
You might be willing to accommodate this bait and switch click here, but give serious weight to this disparity between her words and actions--and let it be a warning flag of what's to follow!
How to love a person with BPD
The Waif may also use physical ailments as excuses to leave you hanging out to dry--and there you sit, with your dick in your hand.
Borderlines can leave solid, long-term attachments or marriages very suddenly.
You'll be feeling shocked and bewildered by this--particularly when she cites frustrations or problems you were never made aware of, to justify her abrupt departure. You might vacillate between numbness and tormenting confusion, but what's check this out worse, is she'll have you thinking you're responsible for this outcome!
When you've done virtually everything to keep her satisfied and happy throughout this relationship which has included putting your personal needs and desires aside to accommodate hersyou're left only with a sense of sheer exhaustion, painful craving and deep betrayal.
You cannot help agonizing over how she could leave --given all the times she visit web page you this was the "best sex" she'd ever had, how much she needed you, and that she could never even imagine living without you!
You've believed you were the center of click here universe, and it was finally safe to let your guard down, and trust that she was here to stay.
Losing a Borderline is like being in a hit-and-run accident. You're in trauma, and she speeds away without a moment's consideration for the carnage she's left behind. Abrupt departures during mid-life are particularly significant, because while she could have been exhibiting borderline symptoms for decades, these may become far more pronounced during marked hormonal changes, such as pre- or peri-menopause.
As stated earlier, rebound relationships are extremely common among Borderlines, and leave men feeling used and discarded--but the same disturbing patterns that you wrestled with during this relationship, are replicated with other suitors. It's literally just a matter of time before they'll meet with a similar fate, and be suffering as you are. In short, your Borderline will not miraculously become normal or well with some other guy! Her disruptive behaviors stem from deeply entrenched survival reflexes she acquired during infancy.
Without highly skilled therapeutic intervention, she just can't stop herself. With respect to her rebounding, you'll be on high-alert as to how long she's staying with the next guy. This is torturous to you, because if she manages to remain a bit longer than you think she should based on the literature you might have read you'll be driving yourself crazy with self-doubts and shame.
A Borderline always leaves you feeling shameful, because she Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder you believe you're the one at fault for this thing not working.
A long-held rotten leftover from your boyhood might be; Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder I feel bad in a relationship, it must be my fault," but it's time to throw it out!!! In truth, a panoply of pathologies may be associated with borderline disorder, and Histrionic Personality Disorder is just one of these.
You might have perceived a bit of 'craziness' early on, when she'd become disproportionately volatile about minor events that were troublesome to her.
When she shared stories about vilified former boyfriends or lovers, you felt honored to be privy to these intimate revelations, while assuring yourself it would be different with you; why not-- you're one of the 'good guys!
The way she hung on your every word, gazed into your Hookup A Girl With Borderline Personality Disorder, touched you and wanted you, was beyond anything you'd experienced before, and you felt privileged to have found her.
Basically, you were on top of the world--and could never have imagined falling off.
It was so painful, I actually shed tears, yet I held my ground and told her that it was her choice so goodbye. The following 1 user Likes HankMoody's post: The relationship goes from 0 - 90mph instantly. She understands everything about you, and sees you for the great person you are. What was once the perfect relationship slowly becomes a pattern of hot and cold, off and on.
If you've dabbled in drugs, loving a Borderline is like chasing after your first hit of Cocaine, and trying to recapture that initial 'rush' the rest of the night. In the early stages of this relationship the Honeymoonyou felt hopelessly captivated, and intrigued with her intensity.
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A novel sense of contentment, wholeness or 'finally arriving,' became part of your everyday experience. The sensations she engendered in you, had only existed in vague fantasies--no matter how many close encounters there had been with other females. This might be the first time you'd gotten really intimate with someone, and felt like you were worthy of such a prize--especially if you struggled with self-esteem issues, earlier in life.
Did you learn to love pain as a boy, in order to adapt to and survive Destiny Matchmaking Of Elders Abuse by a Borderline is quite literally, a heart attack! S elf-worth difficulties could have drawn you to this type of woman, and kept you ensnared beyond all instinct and reason.
She's irresistibly seductive, and may be the most exquisitely beautiful creature you have ever been with--so any notion of walking away when the going got tough, seemed inconceivable. If you're relatively inexperienced in the realm of ongoing, intimate relations, you might naturally assume "all women are like that," but they're not!!!
Borderlines are often plagiarists or copycats. They have the remarkable capacity to mimic or parrot information they've read or heard--which helps you regard them as healthy and sane.
This characteristic is particularly common among Borderlines in the "helping" professions--which amps up the volume on your ambivalence and confusion about these women. The main issue with their Guru Complex, is they can talk the talk--but there's no way they can walk it!
That would require integritywhich is a by-product of moral development. Borderlines have an uncanny ability to paint themselves into corners legally, financially, professionally click interpersonally--and then attempt to make You responsible for the consequences of those choices! It's impossible to make them see that their impulsivity brought about this peril, and it's payback for their short-sighted behavior.
Allow them to enter adulthood.
While she provides a lovely distraction from your own pain and emptiness, the moment her current crisis blows over, she'll revert again to that rageful, crazy-making gal you've known all along--and you're back out in the cold. When it comes to Borderline Personality Disorder, the trope is a prime example of the ways in which women suffering from the condition are dismissed out of hand for experiencing emotions that may be extreme, but that are nonetheless valid. One day she wants to move to Texas and join the rodeo, the next week she's moving into her new boyfriend's place.
Resist the urge to bail them out. Your Borderline might have been so insecure and needy, you felt reasonably certain she would never leave you--but at timessecretly hoped she would. Her physical ailments inspired your sympathy and determination to protect her, but you've often marveled at how someone so young could be so sickly! For the most part, your relationship moved along pretty smoothly, until you tried to express any real concerns or needs.
The Borderline Waif can't handle that--after all, it's clearly been your job to take care of her.